"Now that's class"

Yet another night of mediocre sleep before it's time to head out for another guys' Las Vegas trip. This time around there would be three of us leaving Omaha. Myself, Cory, and our newest addition, Rob who managed to sneak away for his first guys' trip ever.

Rob would be our dedicated driver this time around, and despite being fifteen minutes late, we didn't leave without him. In short order, we're at the airport, and getting boarding passes printed. Once Cory's checked in he mentions to me that the lady seemed to really like my license picture, and called over her associate to comment on "that guy's crazy picture." Too bad it expires this year.

I make it through security with no body scanning or molestation. Rob was lucky enough to be picked for a random screening. Nothing like a little (okay, medium) dose of radiation to start your day off right.

We settle at the bar, and we order a round of double bloody Mary's. Rob also opted for a package of over priced, and stale crackers for breakfast. Nom-nom-nom!

The bloody Mary's were damn spicy. Almost to a fault. I thought Cory and Rob were going to have issue with 'em since, as the Russians would say "They have stomach like little girl!" I heard the bartender charge someone else about $10.75 for their double bloody Mary, so I had some cash ready as I volunteered to get the first round of the trip. Well................I guess the bar got a little too busy, and I think she forgot about us. She did come back and asked if we wanted another round, which we declined. She neglected to remember we hadn't paid. Uh oh! What's this? The plane is boarding! Gotta go! (first slight win of the trip).

With my A-20 boarding pass, I snagged the window seat in an empty row. I was about six back from the door. It was a full flight, but Cory and Rob managed to get a seat in my row, so we could enjoy the flight out together.

The flight took off on time, and we were in the air shortly. Like all of our flights out, we were all giddy and excited. I was camera happy and started taking pictures left and right. So what's with these circles below? Cory thinks they're filling some sort of agricultural need. That's not my particular field, so can anyone confirm that statement?

I had managed to find six left over Southwest drink tickets from my previous trips which I had neglected to recall before buying another ten online. Needless to say, we had more than enough to get us through the three hour flight. To get things started, all three of us ordered some rum and cokes.

I was also snapping some pictures of the mountains as we flew over, and heard an announcement over the intercom. As it turns out, there was a marriage proposal in progress, and I snapped a few pictures to document it. If they're looking for a photographer for hire, they are more than welcome to read this trip report, and find my email address. I don't charge much, and I'm not gonna lie, the quality will probably be pretty bad. Congrats to the new ~~suckers~~ couple.

Let the games begin.

Everyone's in the same boat...

The mountains.

Seeing them is a good way to guage our progress.

Marriage proposal in progress.

She got called up to the front.

Down on one knee, at about 30 thousand feet in the air.

Mountains.....

Mountains..........

...and more mountains.

And one final shot.

In the end the girl said yes. As they wandered back to their seats, Cory handed over two drink tickets as our gift to them.

Here's where we changed it up, and ordered a round of screwdrivers. After all, we had the tickets and needed to use them, so we did. This is also where we all started feeling a little bit loopy on the flight.

This is the point in the flight where we're about thirty minutes from landing. Rob manages to catch a flight attendant and we all sorta reluctantly order yet another round of drinks. I can honestly say this is the most I've had on a single flight to Vegas. Round four comes out shortly and is another screwdriver.

I'm taking a break after this one....

Action shot.

More action shot.

Cheers!

Rob, can I have my camera back, please?

Being the classy motherfucker that he is, Rob managed to spill a lot of his drink into his lap and on his pants. To make him feel better about his dumb ass mistake, I had to take a picture of it to immortalize it forever on the internet. And once a pic is on the net, Rob.....it can never really be destoryed.

At this point in time, I'm wondering about making a quick bathroom trip to the front of the plane, or if I should just wait until landing... I struggle with my decision while Cory's in the bathroom taking care of business. As he exits the lavatory, I jump up and head that way. I'm standing next to Cory at this point, and the flight attendant tells me that we'll be landing in about five minutes....I contemplate my options, but decide to sit back down. But before I do, I managed to give Cory a quick "flap" with the back of my hand right in the baby maker. It totally caught him off guard, and he did the whole flinch thing while letting out a nice "Ummmphf!" noise while clasping his manhood. I wander back to our seats and can only imagine what the flight attendant thought if she noticed.

You jackass....

Another sign we're getting close!

I can feel it....or is that Rob's hand?

Getting lower...

and lower.....

First sighting of the strip!

Vegas.......

We bolt off the plane as quickly as possible to make our way down to the escalators. Rob knows there's a limo waiting for us, but he didn't know we named the sign after him. It wasn't hard to find our driver, as he was the first one we saw. Classic.

Despite requesting Tyrone, or Georgie as our driver, Desmond was our associate today. He was very cool to talk with, and easy to chat up. We told him we're looking to stop for mixers and then head straight to Cosmopolitan so I can get checked in. Our bags pop up quickly, and we're on our way. I was lucky enough to have Desmond wheel my luggage out. The other two boys hand to slum it and manage their own bag.

We thought the name was a perfect pick.

My luggage, being handled by someone other than me...win.

This time around we went for the super stretch limo.

A picture of us fat bastards.

Rob looks glassy eyed...Cory...well, I got nothing.

Glasses.

Desmond fills the glasses, while Cory passes 'em down.

Cheers to still cheap champagne!

"Now 'dats class!"

Ready to roll.

I'll still drink it though.

Rob spills again...tsk tsk tsk....

The boys wander in to get mixers.

Those are pens in their hands...NOT cigarettes (uh huh).

Rob again manages to spill some of his drink, and we didn't let up on the razzing. It was deserved.

To be honest, I'm not really sure where we stopped for mixers. Rob and I each brought a bottle in our luggage, so Cory volunteered to pick up the mixers. I stayed in the limo while everyone else walked inside. I keep myself entertained by messing with the buttons in the limo, and posting way too much on Twitter. Desmond comes back and while the boys have a smoke break, he and I talk a little bit about the new properties and how things are in Vegas. Desmond also handed me a $200 gift card to use with Presidential Limo that has to be redeemed in the next couple of months. That took me back a bit, and I thanked him for that quite extensively.

Within a few moments, we're pulling into Cosmopolitan's drop off area, and after a quick tip, Desmond is gone. Our luggage is checked and I wander inside to see if I can get my room at the moment. I was working with Adam, the Concierge and he said he could "guarantee" I'd have a high room when checking in. Well, things don't always work that way. To try to make sure things went according to my plan, I laid a folded $20 on the counter after she took my license and credit card to begin the process.

A room would be ready, but it wasn't quite high enough for me. The girl was more than willing to keep looking. She directly called out the $20 saying "I appreciate that, sir, but I can't take that from you." I left it out there just in case the perfect room "magically" became available. Some higher rooms were open, but all had nicer views of the fountains, and that was an additional charge, etc.... A room would become available that would be perfect, but another associate would snatch it before I would say "yes, book it" and it'd be gone. In the end, I settled on upgrading to a fountain view on the 27th floor.

I just wanted to get into a room at that moment, and didn't want to have to wait until 3:00 to come back. I tried to give her the $20 as a tip, but she graciously smiled and said she couldn't. She was too nice and worked with me for a good ten minutes, while I tried to decide on a multitude of options. In the end, I insisted, and she was able to take the tip.

Columns when walking into Cosmopolitan.

A horrible picture of their check in desks.

First walking into my room.

Art on my left.

"No really...in case of fire, you're dead."

Bathroom. (toilet is through that door)

From the bathroom into the living space.

Sink area.

Nice large shower.

Seating area.

One of two TVs.

Light reading material.

Work space.

Kitchenette area.

Mini bar, door items.

More mini bar.

Small dishwasher.

Closet lights up when you open it ("now that's class")

Safe.

The other TV directly in front of the bed.

A rather comfortable bed.

Desmond's card from Presidential Limo.

And a few more.

The view....nice.

Bellagio.

Bellagio Spa Tower.

I held my camera straight out and took an upwards picture.

While everyone's getting comfortable and checking out the room, I call downstairs to see if I can have the bags immediately brought up. Of course while I'm on the phone with the lovely girl who answers, I turn around and see Rob holding up the bottle of red wine that was comfortably resting in its rightful home of the mini bar. I tell him "Rob, put that back, quick!" Apparently he doesn't hear me (old age and all). I say it again louder "Rob, put that back now or I'm going to be charged for it." I'm not sure if he heard this time or not, but since he didn't respond I nearly shout "ROB! Put that god damn bottle of wine back in the fridge. NOW!" I go back to the phone and say "I'm sorry, my friend is rather stupid." She chuckles, and within about five minutes, there's a knock at our door with our luggage.

We had the bellhop fill our ice bucket as well, and we just took in the view, and relaxed for a few moments. We unpack our bottles and mixers and start getting things underway. There's also a nice little freezer section in the mini-fridge so you can comfortably store a full bottle of liquor, or some of your own personal items. That was really nice to see.

Cory exchanges a few texts with Pebbles from VegasJonesing.com and after a few moments she joins us on the terrace.

The boys have a vodka and redbull while Pebbles enjoys a diet coke. We catch up and have a really good time on the terrace. Before too long, Rob's lack of sustenance is catching up with him, and we all decide it's time to find some food.

The four of us wander through Cosmopolitan's pool area, to return Pebbles with her traveling companion, T. He's soaking up the sun and looking happy as a clam. We say our goodbyes, and wander out. And I must say, the pool area is rather nice and different. If I were a pool person, this would be the place for me. Instead of grabbing a bite to eat, we wander through Cosmopolitan and head over towards Aria.

The boys want to play in the 1:00 poker tournament. They sign up, and Rob peruses over the table service menu from Lemongrass. I think that was a little more than he was interested in, and he opted to not pay for a $10 hot dog. I'm not sure if he found a pre-tournament snack or not. In any case, I wasn't feeling up for a tournament at the moment, and instead signed up for a $1/$3 no limit hold'em seat. I was second on the list, and so I decided to wander off to see if my Sky Suites key would still gain me entry so I could grab a quick snack.

Indeed it did. I was worried they might have changed their keys at this point, and if that were the case I was just going to say I found it on the floor. But I was let in without any problems.

I can confirm with 100% certainty that indeed Aria has no alcoholic beverages offered in the Sky Suites any longer. They have everything else, but I suppose this severely limits the number of douche bags (present company as well) from hanging out in there all day just to get a cheap buzz.

I would have taken some pictures of their current spread, but there was a butler present. I did ask for a green tea bag, which he gladly wandered to the back to find. I managed to make two trips, each time grabbing both a hot and cold drink, and then some light snacks.

The boys started up their tournament, and I believe it was only three tables. I was quickly seated at my cash game and let the cards fly. I was in the four seat and the person to my immediate left earned (from me) the nickname of Bernie. As in, Weekend at Bernie's....yeah, THAT guy. He looked JUST like him....except he was living, breathing and talking. He had the huge all encompassing sunglasses, nasty ugly Hawaiian shirt (are there any Hawaiian shirts that look good?), dark thick mustache, and a huge straw hat on. He was a loose cannon.

The other notable character at the table is someone I nicknamed "Black Dragon." He was a talkative fellow, but reminded me of an Asian greaser from the 30's and 40's. He had a huge poof of slicked back hair. He didn't look like an Asian mobster you typically see in a cheesy Jean Claude Van Damme movie, but more like an Asian John Travolta from Grease.

In any case, I tried to play tight. I quickly blew through half of my stack when I unsuccessfully chased a flush, and also tried to make a bluff with a horrible hand. Both failed miserably. I managed to flop three of a kind with pocket deuces, but it wasn't a large pot. I also took down a hand with pocket kings, but again, it wasn't truly significant. I made a few bluffs, but in the end, it wasn't meant to be. I had busted after what seemed like an eternity of folding. It just wasn't my poker session today. Grrr......

The boys are bounced from the tournament with no extra cash, and we wander back to the room to relax for a few. I managed to snap some pictures of the Bellagio show in progress and we then decide to try to find the seemingly hidden pizza place.

We wander to the floor where all the restaurants are located, and of course aren't precisely sure where to look. I asked a near by associate where the pizza place was, and she pointed to the dark hallway, about twenty feet away from me - the same one I was eyeballing moments before. Doh! I guess it is "hidden" and you wouldn't know about it if it weren't for word of mouth.

We enter the hallway and find the seemingly after thought of an eatery. There were only a few people back there, so we ordered a few slices each. I first went with a pepperoni and sausage, and later went with a four cheese offering.

We made Cory go first in case something jumps out at us.

Album covers from times past.

And more.

The boys line up.

Pink is a color that doesn't get much recognition.....

Are you awake, fella?

Their rather unimpressive kitchen.

Wall of tips.

Pie slices!

Enjoying food on the rather plain granite over hangs.

Four cheese. Swiss, parm, ricotta, and mozzarella. I added some chili flakes....

Maybe next time.

The back wall.

Cool.

I want to say the pizza was around $4.25 a slice. Not horrible by any means, especially if you're wanting something quickly. You can also order a full pizza to go if you want to wait around for a few extra minutes. Where they get ya is with the drinks. If you order a soft drink, don't be expecting unlimited free re-fills. Especially since the fountain drinks are behind the counter. Argh!

On our way out, we snap a few pictures of the framed pictures on the wall, paying tribute to the Rat Pack members from the "good ol' days" of Vegas.

The boys grab their luggage from my room and we make our way down to the taxi stand outside. Cory is talked into having a town car take us downtown instead of a taxi. I want to say the charge was $45. As we're getting into the car, Cory points out "We're leaving this dump, and heading to the El Cortez." Classy. Rob and I got the tip and we took a long leisurely stroll down the strip to the El Co.

Rob and Cory get checked into their rooms and within a few minutes, we're back in the casino and eye-balling the full roulette tables. They did have one locked down, so I called the pit boss over. I asked him if I could get at least three players buying into the game, if he'd consider opening the table. He said they have lots of players asking if they'd open the fourth table, but he just doesn't have the dealers. Eh??? It's called supply and demand, El Co. Look it up in a basic economics book sometime.

I thought that was really odd since it was going to be a big weekend for Vegas. Reluctantly, I await my turn for someone to bust from one of the tables. Rob and I eventually find our chance, and we move in. We were playing with a couple from out of town and a few locals as well. My numbers were missing, and the stack was dwindling. I want to say we were at the table maybe an hour and the pit boss comes over and tells us we have fifteen minutes before the table is shutting down, as the dealer needs to go home. I guess no one else was coming in to relieve her.

I'd like to hear from the El Cortez marketing department, as that must be a new concept I'm not aware of. Shutting down the table games when you have people anxiously waiting to play them must somehow return a large yield of hidden profits. That, or they need to forecast better, and staff accordingly. Not like there aren't other casinos near by people can spend their money at.

Despite the entire table's griping to the pit boss, the game was going to be shut down. I'm already a bit pissed with my losses, and combined with the table status, I stack up my remaining chips and shovel 'em out and bet 'em all on the middle section. I'd say it was easily 55 chips high. The lady on my right says "Oh my gosh, that thing is huge." I jump on the opportunity without pause and let out a "that's what she said!" The couple immediately busted up laughing. The husband said that's the best thing that's happened to them the entire trip. And as he put it "if I lose $1,000 on this trip, I'll still remember that line and call the trip a win." His eyes were seriously starting to tear up. Alright, I didn't think it was that funny, but whatever does it for ya.

Luckily enough, my section hit, and I was paid out in $5 chips. I glance up and see Cory and Rob checking out my stupid betting, and I just give them a metro-sexual "what's up" nod, and stack everything out in the same section again. As this is happening, I hear the pit boss coming over to the table laughing hysterically. "WTF?" I thought, and then he tells me he's laughing at my joke as well. He gives me a quick high five and tells me the dealers behind us also got a chuckle out of my one liner. I was taken aback since it happened a few moments before and didn't get any reactions from anyone aside from the friendly couple on my right. Maybe I just say that too often, but the effect is lost on me now. Glad I could provide a laugh.

My section hits again, and at this point I consider going for the triple win, but decide against it at the last minute. I would have lost if I did. I cash out ahead and we leave towards Fremont street.

I notice a kiosk selling the temporary henna tattoos. I seriously considered getting a Mike Tyson face tattoo in henna if I could find one. If nothing else, I thought it'd make an epic trip report photo, and certainly be something memorable. I start flipping through the booklets they have on display looking for "just the right" one. The two girls who were working the kiosk start arguing in some sort of language that had a lot of K and "vst" sounds in it. I coined it "slutnick." Since they couldn't be bothered, we continued onwards.

Cory and I buy into the Texas Shoot Out game, only to get smashed clean. Not sure why it seemed like a good idea to play that one again. I decide it'd be best to play a horrible single deck blackjack game. I recall that it was a $5 limit, but you couldn't double on anything other than a ten or an eleven. I think there were restrictive rules on splits too. I don't believe it was a 6:5 game, but in my state, I wouldn't bet my life on it. After some continued losses, I decided it was a shitty game, and got up and left.

Now it was about time to head over to the Golden Gate to meet up with Macker and Alexanbo. Without too much trouble, I find them at the bar running through an insane number of video poker hands before my eyes.

Again, here's where things become a little bit blurry. After chit-chatting it up a little bit, and having another few drinks we all notice a commotion on our left. One guy was chasing another, and they seemed to have a really great game of hide and seek going on. However, the two security guards about ten feet behind them were also very fast and wanted in on the game.

Seems a fight had broken out, someone might have caught a beer bottle to the head, and things were on from that point. Shortly after I ~~wandered~~ stumbled over to the restroom only to see the big guy (who seemed to get the blunt end of things) in cuffs, with cuts and bruises all over his face. "Have fun on vacation, fella!"

Macker and I managed to get a picture with the owner of the Golden Gate, but after reviewing my camera, I seemed to have lost it somehow. Not sure how that happened.

Before too long we're playing blackjack (it was blackjack, right?) with one of their "okay" looking dealers handing out the cards. I'm not sure why I found it appropriate to put a dollar bet out for the dealers on EVERYONE'S hand, but I recall believing it would bring good luck. Let me just be the first to say that it.....did not. I can't attest to how other's did gambling wise at that table, but I hope it was better than my end result.

Rob, Alexanbo, or Macker....do either of you recall where I got that damn green necklace?

As that session came to a crippling close, I bid goodbye to Rob and Cory, and took a cab back to Cosmopolitan with Macker and Alexanbo. After getting inside, I went back up to my room......for something....... I'm not sure why, but I'm sure at the time I had a very good reason. Oh well, in any case, I come back downstairs and find Macker beating up a video poker game while Alexanbo was playing (I'm assuming) Pai Gow. Macker and I chat for a bit, and I believe I asked the same questions about six or seven times.

I reach for my phone only to realize I don't have it on me at that moment. What the hell? A moment of panic washes over me, as I tell Macker I'll be right back, but I have to head to the room to look for my cell phone. I get back there in record time and don't find it anywhere. I call security and report it missing telling them what kind of phone it is, and where I think I had it last. Then, as a last resort, I check the locked safe.....and of course, my phone was there.

Why in the hell did I lock up my cell phone since I carry it everywhere with me in Vegas? Hell, I have no idea.

I call security back and tell the familiar voice on the other end, "Yeah, I'm the dumbass that just reported a missing cell phone. I found it...it was in a very safe and secure place." I felt like such a chode.

In any case, I think I wandered back downstairs and bought a bottle of water....or two... Again, it's a little blurry.

I went for an escalator ride, and managed to get the pictures below. I believe after that I met up with Macker at the same bank of video poker machines as before. We chat for a few more moments before I say "I'll be right back." I believe at that point in time, I went back up to my room and fell asleep. Ugh..... It was a long day.

My last moments of the evening were spent cursing the damn television in front of my bed that simply wouldn't turn off. I must have hit damn near every button on that thing and nothing worked. I even scoured the set itself looking for that magical button.... Nothing. I picked up my room phone and called the front desk. I admitted to how stupid this question must be, but did indeed ask how to turn off the TV with the remote. The very nice gal, told me to look for the big button with a white circle on it towards the top of the remote....."Oh, you mean the very first button on the remote?" Yeah.....classic.